Words Made into a Poem and into New Words

2 min readJun 7, 2022


royalty-free image from Depositphotos


Before I can commit, I’ve gotta know:
Are you one of those people who die?
You know the type -
They’re alive, doing things and then one day something happens
And they die.
Because if you’re going to just die
What’s the point in doing anything with you?
I mean, I won’t be able to reminisce about the good ol’ days with you
Because you’ll be gone.
Won’t be able to do a follow-up project
Or put on a retrospective together
Won’t be able to see any more films together
Complain about politics
Make jokes
So, if you’re going to die, just tell me up front.
And when I say “die,” I also include change.
If you’re interests are going to change -
World issues
I don’t want to invest in one person
And then have that person replaced with a new version that I never bought into.
So just sign this form
You agree not to change your mind
Your clothes
Your weight
Your hair
Grow old
Or die
Now we can be friends


And now … New words and old words rearranged to say new things!

  • Universities! Save time and space by shortening “in-state tuition” to just intuition.
  • The word “Grammy” is obviously derived from grammar, so I think they should at least use correct spelling: the Grammys should be called the Grammies.
  • Have you ever noticed that whenever they hold supervillains in special glass-walled cells on tv an in movies, they never give them a bathroom?
  • A vintage bicycle is a classycle.
  • A chewy cucumber is a chewcumber.
  • Why do we call it “air conditioning” when we turn on the cold? “Air conditioning” sounds neutral — it should cover turning on the heat and turning on the cold. Somebody fix this language problem so I can buy a window cooler.
  • Pants would be nice, but I’m a little short on cash — can I just buy one pant?
  • My hairdo is so bad I call it a hardon’t.
  • My dream job would be Chef Justice of the Supreme Torte.

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