The Difference between TV and Real Life

2 min readMar 26, 2022


…and Suggestions for Business Names

  • On tv, presents come with lids and boxes wrapped separately for quick mess-free opening.
  • On tv, people don’t say “bye” when they hang up the phone; they just both know when the conversation is over because they’ve read the script.
  • On old TV shows, family members greet & hug at airport arrival gates — children running up to hug grandpa, lovers reuniting … those scenes can’t happen at airport gates anymore, and humanity is the lesser for it.
  • On TV, someone can jump on the roof of your racing car, reach around and punch through your car window, grab you and pull you out. In real life physics gets in the way.
  • On TV, a person can be handed a fresh cup allegedly filled with hot coffee and instantly start gulping it down without suffering 3rd degree throat burns.
  • On TV, you can get into your car and somehow not notice the guy sitting in the backseat holding razor wire.
  • On TV, if a person coughs, they will surely die of a disease.
  • On TV, If you see a gun in a drawer, someone will be shot within a day. It’s a sort of curse.
  • In TV documentaries, everyone walks in slow motion. That’s how you know it’s true.
  • On TV, if you want to have a private conversation out of earshot of the people in the room, just move a few steps over to the left or the right. As long as they can’t be seen in the frame with you, they can’t hear you.
  • On TV news, whenever they say something is a “game-changer,” it is never a game changer.
  • On TV nobody ever has to go to the bathroom, even in space.

Hair salon mandatory pun names:

Hair Brained Scheme

Hair today, Gone Tomorrow


Are You Hair Alone?

Do You Come Hair Often?

Hey, I Only Work Hair

Hairea 51

Hair You Go Again

It’s Hairdy Doody Time

Suggested Tea House Names:

Your Magistea




Tea Off

Social Securitea

A Tea Ching Moment

Tea Party

Partea Time




It’s Howdy Dootea Time

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Walk softly and carry a big schtick.