Six More Mind Boggling Suggestions!

Previously, I posted some suggestions to better the world. I’ve noticed that the post’s original title, “Suggestions,” wasn’t getting many hits. Maybe it seemed too polite. Perhaps I should have called it, “Demands!” But for now, I have re-named it, “Mind Boggling Suggestions to Improve the World.”

I therefore have named this list, which your computer screen holds in its hands:

Six More Mind Boggling Suggestions!

1. Euthanize should mean to make younger, not to kill (and it should be spelled “youthanize”).

2. Pockets should have zippers down the front, so that if you keep your wallet in your front pocket, you could unzip to get it out without tearing up your hands, even when sitting in your car at the drive-up ATM.

3. Men’s dress pants should button down the sides, allowing air to circulate. This would address the oppressively warm nature of men’s dress clothes. The pant legs could be fashioned so that fabric would overlap, allowing for modesty while cooling the wearer.

4. We need some new words:

• Utensludge: The crumbs & scum that accumulate in the tray under the spoons, forks & knives.
• Epillogical: When the epilog makes no sense.
• Proteen: A professional teenager, like the Fonze.
• Carnervous: The state in which carnivores find themselves when they worry about whether their vegetarian friends and family members are getting enough protein.
• There are 2 kinds of people in this world: Those who hide their trash cans under the sink, and those who keep them out in the open. Neither group likes the labels that I give them: trashophobes & trashophiles, so here are two new words for them. People who keep their kitchen trash out in full sight are the Trashaware, and those who deny their trash’s existence by hiding the can in the cabinet under the sink are the Trashstashers. Which are you?

5. Before you can regurgitate, don’t you first have to gurgitate? This is more of a question than a suggestion, but I suggest that you consider it.

6. From now on, to save space, replace the ‘e’ in ‘the’ with an apostrophe when followed by a word beginning with a vowel. Ergo: “The end” become Th’end, and “The other day” becomes Th’other day.

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