Self Help Books That Have Yet to be Written

I have checked, and Google returns zero results for the promising titles of these self-help books, which you are now free to write & make a million dollars:

  • “How to Make Your House Ugly”
  • “Surgical Enhancements to Your Organs”
  • “How to Write Silent Music”
  • “How to Embezzle From the Police Force”
  • “Festive Divorce Themes”
  • “How to Open a Failing Business”
  • “How to Launder Money Through a Pizza Joint”
  • “Teaching Tricks to Slugs for Fun and Profit”
  • “Top Ten Parts of Your Body to Remove”
  • “How to Surrender Your Soul to Satan”
  • “Fun with Gerontology”
  • “How to Date your Dentist”
  • “1,000 Gibberish Words to Use at Parties”
  • “How to Become Less Mindful”
  • “101 Uses For Used Kleenex”
  • “How to Make Yourself Taste Better to Cannibals”
  • “How to Avoid Floating Off Into Space”
  • “Which Dog Breeds Can Pass as Human?”
  • “Ways to Improve Your Coughing”
  • “Grow Taller with These Simple Tricks”
  • “How to Pass Yourself Off as Slime Mold”
  • “How to Wear Your Human Skin”

I hope this has been helpful. Please share and follow this blog. It probably couldn’t hurt.




Walk softly and carry a big schtick.

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Walk softly and carry a big schtick.

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