Proof of a Simulated Universe

Photo credit: Roberta Bayley

Scientists are under the misconfusement* that in order to prove that our perceived reality is a computer simulation, they have to look for results in quantum physics experiments that are incompatible with theory. The thought is that the programmer overlooked some tiny detail or that the computing power of the simulator is insufficient to calculate such minute details.

They are wasting their time. Not only are their 21st century human assumptions about the nature of an alien reality simulator arrogantly self-centered and unimaginative, but the proof is all around us!

Proof That Nothing is Real:

1. Starlight. The sun appears reddish at sunset and sunrise because sunlight is going through a thicker swatch of our atmosphere, blocking more of the sun’s blue light than when the sun is overhead. Good job, alien programmers. But what you neglected was that the same effect should happen with star light — stars near the horizon should appear more red than ones overhead. But they don’t. Because this is a simulation.
2. Donald Trump as President. Programmers would have us believe that suddenly, uneducated, rural Americans, Trump’s supposed base, voted for a rich, New York elite entertainer, the exact type of person they had been trained to resent their whole lives. This is, in fact, not proof that the programmers erred, but that the program itself was hacked by bored juvenile aliens with a dark sense of humor.
3. Nothing exists. Look up the definition of “time.” It refers to a duration in which a sequence of events takes place. Then look up “duration” — it’s the length of time something exists. This looped reasoning is proof that time does not exist. Now look up “space.” The definition hinges on the word “dimension,” which will link back to “space.” If a concept can not be defined without referring back to itself, it has no objective reality. And because everything — all matter and energy — exists in time and space, it follows that nothing exists.
4. The Pandemic is a tragedy the human impact of which that cannot be overstated. But if you look at the chart of infections over time for the state of Oklahoma, it tracks perfectly with the song Oklahoma from the musical of same name. Who, but uncaring aliens with a cruel yet pithy sense of humor would be responsible for that?
5. Buttons. The microscopic keyboard button on phones are so small that when combined they take up less space than Donald Trump’s knowledge of American history, but somehow people under 30 supposedly type with more than one finger. No one believes it, aliens!!!
6. Bipedalism. Why would the dominant species on a planet have evolved the most unstable and precarious form of walking?
7. Eyes. It’s a bit suspect that we evolved on a planet where the source of light and life will literally blind us if we look at it for more than a few seconds. I mean, during our entire evolution, the sun was there. Why don’t the programmers want us to look up? I’ll tell you why. It’s because then we would start wondering how it is that multi-ton pieces of metal we call airplanes stay up in the sky and how it is that tons of water floats above us, even though water is heavier than air, until suddenly it decides to rain.
8. Apple Computers. Year after year, Apple stock rises even though all they ever do for innovation is imperceptibly change the dimensions of their phones. Are we expected to believe that Apple stopped receiving alien technology at the exact moment Steve Jobs died? Unlikely. A more probably scenario is that the aliens running the program are on an extended lunch break and haven’t updated it in (Earth) years.
9. Flies navigate in three-dimensional space with the help of 3,000 to 6,000 eyes and process information more than four times faster than humans. Flies are known to think before they act and have been shown to experience emotions. All this with a brain roughly the size of the tear Melania Trump shed for incarcerated toddlers on the border. By the way, leeches have 32 brains.
10. The Ramones were the greatest rock and roll band of all time, yet our alien programers failed to have a single Ramones song chart in the top 10. Clearly a glitch in the system.

So, we live in a flawed simulation. The proof is in the pudding. I don’t know how, but I’m sure it is, or we wouldn’t have this otherwise nonsensical expression in our lexicon.

*copyright Eric Indiana 2020