Heretofore Unknown Science

“Reverse Image” vs. “True View” Mirrors

Imagine a world in which a “mirror image” was not reversed. Rather, it presented your appearance in the same orientation as others saw you. Your reflection in your bathroom mirror would function like a video image taken of you, and you would have a visually correct view of how others saw you. That was the vision proposed and promoted by Nikola Tesla in 1896. Tesla’s rival, Thomas Edison, pushed hard for the version of mirrors we see today.

Tesla believed, with some prescience, that people would develop an inverted mental image of themselves if mirrors worked the way Edison was proposing. Edison, for his part, told the press that Tesla’s “true view” mirror would allow communist demons to emerge from a mirror universe that would lead to workers demanding free healthcare.

In a last-ditch effort to stave off the inevitability off Edison’s win in the mirror wars, Tesla announced that Edison’s reverse mirror images would lead to a future “reality teleplay host of ill repute” being elected President in 120 years. This prediction was based on Tesla’s studies of magnetic wave propagation through time.

Of course, Edison won out in the end, and due to our reversed images of ourselves, we must live with that recurring moment of confusion when we point to one side of our mouths to tell a loved one where a piece of food is stuck, only to have them wipe off the opposite side of their mouth.

Why it’s Safe to Take Your Mask Off While Seated in a Restaurant During a Pandemic

There is a lot of confusion among the public as to why during a pandemic spread by airborne pathogens it’s safe to eat next to others with your mask off. The rule our society has adopted is that we wear masks during communicable pandemics when we walk into a restaurant or get up to walk to the bathroom, but when seated we are free to remove our masks.

This is because of the nature of coronavirus particles in micro-altitudinal changes. When you are walking about, viral particles expelled from someone’s mouth will tend to float around in a room until they are sucked up by another person’s mouth. This is why the pandemic of 2020 has continued until the time of this writing in the year 2034. However, when the person sits down, the sudden drop in altitude between a standing lung and a sitting lung lulls the virus into thinking that it has killed the host and there is no point in trying to escape the host body, since the host will no longer be breathing. This fact has been established by intensive psychotherapy of voluntary virus participants. When a person does get up again, either to leave or go to the bathroom, the virus within the person is freaked out, thinking that they now occupy the reanimated corpse of a zombie. At that point, they attempt with all vigor to escape the host, which is why you should put your mask back on.

Why Cars Don’t Have Magnets Attached to their Wheels to Generate Electricity

A spinning magnet produces an electric current. So why don’t all motor vehicles have magnets attached to their wheels to generate power? Even hybrid vehicles don’t generate their electricity this way — they use regenerative breaking, whatever that is. If you ask most sane mechanical engineers, they will tell you that adding a magnet reduces efficiency and that you can’t get more power out of a system than you put in. They will point to the impossibility of perpetual motion. But they are wrong.

The reality of the situation is far more complicated and, dare I say, horrifying. A car’s wheels are driven by the energy produced by the motor. That energy is transferred into the kinetic energy of the vehicle. The push of the tire against the earth causes an equal and opposite push from the earth, and the vehicle moves forward. The system is in perfect balance. In fact, there is a set quantity of energy in the universe that is never altered; it just moves around and takes on different forms. There are two theories as to what would happen if anyone were to generate new energy from this system:

  1. An equal amount of anti-energy would instantaneously come into being. Energy and anti-energy are known to mutually annihilate. That wouldn’t be such a big deal if the resulting explosion were limited to just your car. But the annihilation would create even more anti-energy, setting off an unstoppable chain reaction that would remove all energy from the universe in a matter of seconds.
  2. The excess energy your car magnet generated would tip the balance of energy that has kept the universe stable throughout its existence, creating a mini-black hole that would quickly grow into a giant black hole as it consumed first your car and you, then the Earth and the solar system. Within microseconds, the entire universe would vanish.

So please don’t attach a magnet to the wheels of your car. I believe there is a warning label on the wheel about that.

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Walk softly and carry a big schtick.

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Walk softly and carry a big schtick.

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