Fresh brain squeezings from daisybrain:
I heard Instagram is going to to change the name of their app in the United States to Instaounce.
If you go on a second quest, it’s a request
If I had a sock store, I would call it This Store Socks Bigtime.
I don’t see why wreckless driving is a bad thing. I appreciate not having wrecks.
Why is a near hit called a near miss?
Mastering Social Media: I have been gluing farm animals and pets together to create adorable viral videos. My pets are specially bred by Instagram geneticists to look extra cute but have no functioning legs, so they are easier to pose. I also trained my pet capybara to “rescue” my toddler child from a waterfall. It took a few tries, and I went through a few children and capybaras, but it made a great video. So many likes!
The Internet: How slow was the early internet, you ask? In the mid-90s, when you wanted to look at a picture on your desktop computer, you’d click on a file name and the dial-up modem would send a request to a sketch artist who would ride a donkey to your house in a week or two and draw you the requested picture with a charcoal pencil.
Observation: It is the job of humans to put things up on surfaces above the floor and it is the job of cats to knock them down. It is a system of perfect balance of potential and kinetic energy, between order and entropy.
Prediction: Alien archeologists will examine social media feeds and discover that homo sapiens loved cute animals while they destroyed their planet.
Motivation: Your entire purpose is to turn food into poop. As long as you are doing that, you’re doing great!
Wisdom: Sometimes you are too busy not doing anything to do something.
Babies: The insidious thing about babies is not so much that they are blithering idiots but that they make you sound like a blithering idiot when you talk to them.
Lifehack: If you want your hair to miraculously look great in the morning, all you have to do is schedule an appointment for a haircut later in the day.
Chemtrails lead to mass enlightenment and immortality. BUT THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO…